As I sit at my dining room table, I am reminded of just how much I need to surrender. One absolute truth I have found out as I am growing in my faith: You cannot surrender one time and call it good. That is the equivalent of being given advice one time and then assuming you have all of your life figured out. How many times have you not only asked for advice, but asked for it on the same topic? I have surrendered different aspects of my life, what I have tried so hard to control, and still find myself needing to surrender to the Lord. Sometimes I am surrendering the same thing over and over again.
Let me give examples. The first piece I have surrendered, multiple times, is control. I would like to say I am a recovering perfectionist, but that is simply not true. I do believe I have grown away from that need because I have surrendered it more than once, but it still exists. However, I am comforted by the truth that God always listens and is ready to take on my burdens, even if they are the same burdens over and over again. How patient He is! I have also surrendered pride, plans, and my purpose. “You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.” ~ Psalm 139:2.
I have also surrendered specific things, like our pregnancy with our son. When my husband and I realized we wanted to have another child, we sought the Lord first and asked for His blessing. Our prayer was simple: “Lord, we pray that if we are meant to have another child, that you will bless us. And if not, that is ok. We just pray for understanding in that decision.” Then months went by. My husband remained steady in his prayer, reminding me that no matter what, it is the Lord’s will. I did not remain steady. Worry continued to creep in, which opened the door to thoughts like, what if we aren’t supposed to have another? I was fairly certain we would, I even had a dream about it. But still, the thoughts came. What if? What if it just didn’t happen? What if I made it all up in my head? What if we didn’t deserve to have another child? I say this to remind you all: When these thoughts creep in, they are not from the Lord. Our God is not a God of confusion, and He is not a God of punishment. He is righteous and just, which is a very important distinction. Nonetheless, I found myself consumed by these thoughts, and when another pregnancy test was negative, I broke down. I told myself I just needed to grieve the fact that we may never have another child. When my husband eventually found me – I had disappeared upstairs – he reminded me, very calmly, “this is all part of God’s plan and we have to trust Him.” Even though we had surrendered this plan to God, I found myself needing to surrender it again. I did, and a few short days later, we were pregnant! I knew in my heart that we were meant to have another, and in that moment, I was also reminded that our God always keeps His promises.
Sometimes you surrender the same thing more than once, and that is ok. God continues to refine us, to mold and transform our hearts, according to His plans and His timing. Our sanctification, setting us apart, is not meant to be done according to our will; we will fail every time. God is in control, and He is responsible for our transformation; a responsibility He takes on willingly and with so much grace!
I was recently gifted a book called Thirty-One Days of Prayer for the Dreamer and the Doer, written by Jenn Sprinkle and Kelly Rucker. I have only read a few pages, but WOW. This book is exactly what I need during this season! I am living a very different life now than just one year ago; working from home, homeschooling, podcasting and blogging, and creating content for a side business. Life is busy and, when I allow it, very quickly gets overwhelming. I find myself surrendering a lot to the Lord lately. So, when this book brought up surrender within the first couple of chapters, I was instantly praising God and rereading the sections that spoke to my heart. They shared a verse that I am going to share with you:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways surrender to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” ~Proverbs 3:5-6
The authors’ calling is similar to mine. Create a community, a sisterhood, where mothers can encourage each other and grow in their faith. My purpose is especially for the lost – those who are struggling with what their purpose is, or maybe they know but the purpose is scary. Our calling is not meant to be easy; but rather than becoming consumed by the fear of it, we can choose to lean on God and remember that He goes before us and will never leave or forsake us.
And so, I pray that if you are one of those women who is struggling in her faith, that you will continue to follow along as I work through my own struggles. Let us support each other in our faith and build a community that is based on service to our Lord and Savior!