Pride – A Sin I Carry

Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. ~ Proverbs 16:18

Pride is a sin that I struggle with. I have never thought of myself as someone who is prideful or arrogant, but…

“I pride myself on my character, my integrity.” “I pride myself on my dedication and commitment.” These are statements I have said about myself. They don’t sound bad, probably don’t sound wrong to many people; in fact, I’m sure many have said or thought this about themselves. That means we have confidence, right? Isn’t that what we are supposed to have? You want to be confident, not arrogant. You want to be proud, but also humble. But…being proud means having pride. By making the statements above, I had allowed pride to become more important in my life than God. I also allowed it to make judgmental statements about others. You see, the statements above opened a door, a new mindset; because I believed those statements, I was therefore allowed to make statements about others and determine where they stood on my own scale of integrity, dedication and commitment. It quickly became a normal response when interacting with others, especially if I could identify the pride that they had. How hypocritical is that? 

In order to identify the pride that I carry, I wanted to help define it first, to make it tangible. In the Oxford English Dictionary, pride is defined as, “a high opinion of one’s own worth or importance, which gives rise to a feeling or attitude of superiority over others”. Biblically, the Hebrew word for pride is gevah, which means lifting up or exaltation, arrogance. “An inward elevation of the self – a haughty self-reliance that resists submission to God…a hidden posture of the heart”. Pride can harden your heart against repentance, while humility invites salvation. “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6, 1 Peter 5:5) Wow. I started asking myself, is the confidence I have rooted in Christ, or rooted in myself?

You want to be true to your character, but…your character is usually not in sync with God’s character or what he has for you. Let me explain. If I were to ask how your character is measured, who would come to mind first? Peers, colleagues, friends, family right? Not God. We tend to determine our character based on the perspective of those around us over the Lord within our hearts. Let me explain again. I think we would all agree that our character is also measured by strangers, by people you’ve only met in passing, by society, by what you put on paper as a way of expressing yourself. At any point, all it takes is one person to decide that your character is less than, no longer worthy. This is the worldly reality, and it is the reality a lot of us choose to live by.

But…what about our eternal perspective? Our hearts determine whether we spend eternity in God’s presence, with Jesus. So why do we allow earthly standards, and judgment from others, to determine our character and, ultimately, our actions?

I confess that I have allowed the judgment of others to determine my character. I know that God’s judgment is sovereign; I love reading these reminders in scripture and praying over the verses when I need to. I wish I could say that after knowing this to be true, I no longer allow judgment from others to determine my character or my actions. That I rely solely on God and my works are according to His purposes for me. But that is not true. I still find myself giving in to that temptation of pride, where judgement by others fuels a need for a justice I think I deserve. Haven’t I shown that I am a good person? How much more do I need to give to prove to others that I am worthy? Haven’t I done enough?

Before I resigned and started working from home, God told me that my name would be discussed in a negative way, that others would insult the work I had done. I knew this and still chose to follow God’s plan, which is a decision I thank God for every day. But I still felt the pride creeping in, the arrogance in the “how dare they?” and “I know better” thoughts. Even the pride that came with knowing people were defending my character. Yes, that is still pride – I was proud that people were coming to my defense, implying that I somehow earned this justice, that I was righteously angry.  

My reaction is similar to what Adam and Eve experienced. We all know this story, right? Eve saw that the fruit was good and that it would make her wise, so she ate it and gave it to Adam to eat. At some point in our lives, we have all believed the lie that our way is better than God’s. The root of pride is that we think we know better, just like Eve in the garden. In Genesis 3, God said, “What is this you have done?” after they ate the fruit. Eve’s reaction was to blame the serpent, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” While that may be true, it was still her decision to eat the fruit. When we get caught in our pride, don’t we react the same way Adam and Eve did?

I confess that I have reacted that way; I said it wasn’t my fault or tried to make someone else more accountable than myself. Or given in to the gossip and made my own negative comments. It always seems easier to cast blame on another than to be held accountable. Romans 2:1 reminds us, “Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.” By judging others you have determined that you are superior to them, which speaks more about your heart than theirs. This is a lesson I am still learning, with God’s help.

As usual, God’s timing is perfect in this struggle. We have been studying Psalms in our women’s bible study, and I am reading through Psalms with my personal study. There are several verses that have helped me understand my prideful feelings and then guide me to where the focus of my heart should be. Psalm 7 says those who are unfairly criticized and persecuted can call on God for help. Verses 3-5 and 8 stood out to me: if I have done the same to my enemy, I must repent. I should be judged according to my righteousness and the integrity that is in me. Psalm 17 talks about being unjustly accused, but ends with the confidence that God provides the ultimate judgment. Psalm 18 celebrates God and how He shows up to protect, that His wrath is powerful and just. Verses 30-31 read, “This God – His way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him. For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God?” Psalm 36:10-12 says, “Oh, continue your steadfast love to those who know you, and your righteousness to the upright of heart! Let not the foot of arrogance come upon me, nor the hand of the wicked drive me away. There the evildoers lie fallen; they are thrust down, unable to rise.” God is our only judge, and He judges righteously and at the perfect time. We should be focused on Him and His purposes for our lives, not on the justice of others who we feel deserve it. Because honestly, we are all sinners and we are all undeserving.

God has been reminding me that my heart, soul, and mind should be focused on Him. Matthew 22:37 says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is repeated multiple times in the bible, throughout the Old and New Testament, because it is that important. “And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the spirit.” (Romans 8:27) Did you know that God knows your heart better than you do? As a dear friend defines it, sin means you are saying, “my good for me is better than God’s good for me.” God knows what is best for you; all you have to do is trust in Him. So why should you continue to allow the judgment of others to determine your character, to let pride creep in and take hold? To decide that your good for you is better than God’s good?

No matter what happens, He is in control. Always. I cannot say this enough or with more emphasis: It does not matter how much you try to control your circumstances or the circumstances of those around you. Because God is ultimately in control. Even when you think you are “winning” or rightfully declaring what you believe to be fair. He is still and always will be SOVEREIGN. What you feel is righteous justice can be taken away at any moment, along with any material wealth or status. Instead, our hearts and our minds should be focused on God.

As I was praying for guidance, God was reminding me that the truth always comes to light in His judgment. In 2 Corinthians, 5:10 it says, “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.” Phillipians 2:10 promises, “So that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth.” It may not be in the way we expect or in the way we hope, but in the end, the truth always comes to light. We will all be judged, including myself. Which means we all have a choice. I choose to find comfort in knowing that God is in control and that He alone is our judge. I don’t find peace in my pride, or in having justice served according to my preference. My comfort and my peace come from God and is rooted in Christ. I am not perfect, and I know I will continue to sin.

But…God keeps His promises. Always.

And so, I pray that my heart, mind and soul continue pursuing the Lord. He said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” As Paul wonderfully phrased it, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” Like Psalm 145:18 says, “The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on Him in truth.”

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. ~Psalm 51:10